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MAKING THE CONNECTION
SURPRISED BY SELF-ACCEPTANCE
"Tripping Over the First-Step"
By Dana DeDolph, MA LPC
The First Step of 12-step programs has to do with accepting
the part of yourself that you have been trying to get rid
of....and that is probably the part of you that just can't
seem to do what you think it ought to be able to do...stop
drinking and using...or stop trying to save those who do.
Self-acceptance is NOT, contrary to the popular myth,
the result of success. Self-acceptance can, however, facilitate
a great deal of success.
You don't qualify for self-acceptance... you don't get it
after you are perfect.
Self-acceptance is the result of claiming the part of
yourself you want to get rid of.
If you are alcoholic or drug addicted self-acceptance comes
the same way...it comes from accepting the experience
of powerlessness rather than from defeating it. Because if
you are alcoholic or drug-addicted you may still be
drinking and using to prove you aren't.
In spite of what it looks like to other people you may be
struggling to be good enough to be yourself.
If you are co-dependent self-acceptance comes AFTER
defeat too.
Most of the time co-dependents FEEL out of control and powerless.
The First Step is just admitting that what you are already
experiencing is true.
If you are co-dependent self-acceptance comes from claiming
the part of yourself that doesn't have what it takes to make
somebody else recover.
Almost no one who is co-dependent believes he or she can't
find that thing that is enough... until he or she can't.
Taking the First Step means accepting the truth of your own
experience...no matter what it is that is defeating you.
That can feel like the worst news. It can be the best news.
It can be a surprising relief.
Self-acceptance feels good.
Being with people who accept themselves feels good.
Self-acceptance improves life because people who accept themselves
don't have to waste their time focusing on what they can't
do...or on can't be fixed or found anyway.
People who accept themselves can live.
They don't have to try to be somebody else. They don't have
to qualify for love or happiness or security.
THERE IS ANOTHER SURPRISING BENEFIT THAT COMES WITH TAKING
THE FIRST STEP... When you claim instead of disown the
part of you that you don't want, that part of you loses the
power to control your life.
When you admit that you are powerless, you may stop experiencing
powerlessness.
When you admit you don't have what it takes, you may find
that you do.
Self-acceptance is an incredible place to BEGUN and
the crazy thing is most of us don't get there until we think
we are DONE!
MAKING THE CONNECTION is published by Potentials,LLC who
reserves all rights to publication. You are invited to share
your comments and reactions by email
or by phone: 503-325-2398. We believe people recover best
TOGETHER!
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