- (503)325-2398 Office
- (503)799-6102 Mobile
- dana@potentialsllc.com
- Pier 39, 100 39th Street
Astoria, Oregon 9710
Recovery is something people
do best together
|
|
p o t e n t i a l s
LLC
Focus On Recovery...
(503)325-2398 Office • (503)799-6102
Mobile
Pier 39, 100 39th Street • Astoria, Oregon 97103
dana@potentialsllc.com
|
|
MAKING THE CONNECTION
PHANTOM PAIN
By Dana DeDolph
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is one definition of insanity.
That makes most of the world insane at least half of the time.
Maybe you're sick of being insane.
If so... CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY THAT DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER ACTUALLY MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.
Curious?
When you are doing things over and over aren't you basically living in the past, especially when you are expecting a different result by doing the same thing that you have done a million times before?
Telling yourself or other people to live in the present won't help.
Criticism just keeps you spinning because you are up against something that makes sense.
Doing things over and over makes emotional sense...even if it isn't
REASONABLE.
Emotional memory is the source of the spinning...We all have it and we all need it...the memory not the spinning.
We need memory in order to function. Nobody has time to learn the multiplication tables or the alphabet over every day. Memory is necessary to find your way home or know your kids. Memory is essential if you are going to live in the present.
However, one of the difficulties with memory is that it can cause one to mix-up what is going on right now with what was going on before. This is especially true with strong feelings that were experience in the past.
This is EMOTIONAL MEMORY.
If you think of a happy experience from your childhood you will probably connect with the feeling of that experience. If you hang-on to it just a minute you can look through that experience the way person looks through a movie into another world.
You can feel what you felt and also remember...if you try...the way the world seemed to you then. That is positive emotional memory. If you have it you will feel better all day.
Many people have never really thought about emotional memory. They don't know that feelings from the past are pulling their strings in the present and causing them to repeat parts of their lives and relationships that they would like to leave behind.
When people experience painful emotional memory living in the present can be very difficult...especially if that person is
unaware that things he or she is feeling can be set-off by the present and not actually reflect present reality.
Veterans returning from war have painful emotional memories, and psychologists call this POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS.
When the pain from the past has been severe people have a very hard time living in the present without being in chronic emotional pain.
When you are in chronic emotional pain from the past then the reality you experienced BEFORE can interfer with where you are NOW.
If you WERE in danger, for example, then you might be afraid NOW when the "reality" of now isn't dangerous.
Painful feelings from the past...PAINFUL EMOTIONAL MEMORY... is like a draghook behind it boat...It can drag back the past and make it seem real when it isn't.
If you don't know that this is happening then you will think that the view of yourself and reality that comes with the feeling is from the present and then you may act as if it is, and this can change your life in negative ways.
Emotional memory is powerful. It is also normal. If this happens to you it doesn't mean you are crazy...it means you are human.
Negative emotional memory is like the phantom pain that people experience when they have lost a limb. That pain exists and must be dealt with, and the fact that the limb is gone doesn't make the pain
any less real. However, knowing that the pain is a memory gives you information about how to deal with that pain so that you can live in the present without it's ruining your life.
All human beings must deal with this PHANTOM PAIN from the past to some degree. If you have severe pain or fear dealing with it can be more difficult. It is not impossible though it may seem to be at times.
If you are dealing with addiction issues in yourself or in someone you love, then you have probably got a lot of emotional memories that can screw-up living in the present.
A couple of examples:
An alcoholic who is sober and doing well meets someone on the street who doesn't acknowledge him. The memory of humiliation hits him hard, and with the memory of past humiliation comes the THOUGHT that he is "no good"...THIS IS A BIG EMOTIONAL TRIGGER...IT IS ALSO PHANTOM PAIN.IT IS NOT ACCURATE OR TRUE BUT IT FEELS LIKE IT IS. It is real pain...but the source is not in the present because the other person may actually not have seen the alcoholic person at all.Even if he did another person's opinion does not have to be the source of personal worth. If you know that you can
comfort yourself...you can go to a meeting and talk about what humiliation felt like when you were drinking...YOU CAN INTERRUPT THE THINKING THAT CAME AUTOMATICALLY AND DISTORED THE PRESENT WITH THE EMOTIONAL MEMORY.
This is one of the times when you remember the past you can try to get into the present.
This is why people in AA talk about the past...so that don't have to relive it.
If you love someone who is alcoholic and sober and that person comes home late, the old feelings of fear may come back. This is emotional memory. With those old fears comes lots of thoughts about what to do to control the problem or the alcoholic.
This is a good time to go to Alanon. It is a good time to talk with other people who understand their past so that you don't have to relive yours. It is not a good time to attack the alcoholic whether or not he has been drinking.
No matter what has happened if we are alive there is hope in the present. GETTING THERE IS THE TRICK!
Consider a meeting...you may find people there who are doing it...over and over again...one step at a time.
|
|
